the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
