She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
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I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
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Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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