Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
