I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize