Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
