How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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