I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
