I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
