Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
