OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
