Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Randomize
