Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
