Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
