she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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