I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
