actually, I'm a sock model
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
