i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
