You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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