I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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