i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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