I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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