he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
The feeling are messing with the penis
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
