You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
