The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
