The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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