Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
