I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
