hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
