i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
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He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
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Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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