I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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