I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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