And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
