You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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