so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize