Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
