i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
i need some magic done to my vagina
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