Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize