Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
