smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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