Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
