I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
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