we have officially mastered the walk of shame
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
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Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
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I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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