too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
