kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Well I just put wine in my tea
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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