just survived the first fart of the relationship.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Also, beer. Big fan.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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