I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
