I showed him my bush... on skype.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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