so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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