I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
