arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm too high and old for this...
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
