so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
