i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
