you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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