Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
