I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
