I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
