did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
