it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
