In America we eat man semen.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
