just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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