Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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