I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize