He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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