Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
