what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
