Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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