We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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