My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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