walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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