Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
