Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
how drunk are you?
Several
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
