I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
