i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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