Buhtt sex?
I look better un-naked...
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
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just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
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Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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